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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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It is true that the younger generation has become addicted to
smartphones
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. While there are a series of reasons causing
this
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 situation, in my opinion, its disadvantage overweights the benefits. I think many factors contribute to
this
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 serious problem.
First
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, parents have no adequate
time
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 to spend on their
children
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 because of the high work pressure on adults.
Instead
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 of accompanying
children
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 , parents prefer to leave their
children
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 with
smartphones
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.
Second
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, teachers regard the internet as a necessary teaching aid, so they assign more tasks that need to be completed on phones which provides their
students
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 with opportunities to use
smartphones
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.
Third
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, some websites or applications constantly offer attractive contents which are addictive to young people. The interaction these reasons,
students
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 spend more
time
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 on
smartphones
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. In terms of physical health and social abilities as well as other aspects of negative impact, I believe it is not a positive development when
children
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 lost themselves in their
smartphones
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. It is obvious that too much online
time
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 will lead to a lack of physical exercise and socialising for
students
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.
For example
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,
students
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 play video games
instead
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 of going out to enjoy real teamwork sports
such
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 as football and basketball. Their physical energy will become weak and contract different health problems
such
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 as obesity.
Moreover
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, long screen
time
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 is bad for their eyesight. The number of teenagers with eye problems is increasing all over the world. To sum up, not a single factor attribute to
this
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 serious problem. I believe
that is
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 not a good trend.
Submitted by 535911488 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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