Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

Many people suppose that celebrities are paid enormous paychecks. From my point of view, I entirely agree with the view for several reasons mentioned in the essay. It is undeniable that high income reflects the values that they bring to the organisation. Apparently, they play a crucial role in generating economic value. They have a great number of fans who are willing to spend money on movie tickets, concerts and merchandise.
Therefore
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, they contribute to the success and profitability of companies.
Moreover
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, top athletes might bring billions of dollars in revenue to sports clubs and brands through sponsorship deals and global tournaments.
Hence
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, their offered salaries are proportionate to their contribution to the organisations. More than that, public figures have to deal with some setbacks. It is obvious that they definitely lose their privacy ,
as well as
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being constantly under great pressure. Since paparazzi and mad fans are always curious about their private lives, especially their romantic relationships.
Besides
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that, they tend to be at risk of criticism and mental health problems because of intense media scrutiny.
Furthermore
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, their careers are quite unstable as they might abruptly end once they lose their popularity or get physical injuries.
Consequently
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, high salaries are compensation for their dedication. In conclusion, well-known individuals are supposed to get a higher salary than other jobs. From my perspective, I totally agree with these ideas for the mentioned reasons. I hold a firm belief that they should get what might compensate for their great sacrifices to bring joy to their audience and profits to the companies.

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strength
Your view is clear and the plan fits the task.
improvement
Add more real facts or clear checks to back each point.
improvement
Try to make long ideas into short, simple sentences and use only common words.
content
Clear position on the topic.
structure
Good use of linking words to show how ideas connect.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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