Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

It is said that celebrities like movie stars, well-known models have higher incomes than others in society. I am not convinced by the opinion for some reasons mentioned in the essay.
Firstly
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, famous figures give their entertainment and inspiration to millions of listeners around the world. In order to become successful actors, singers and athletes, they have to work hard for many years with intense levels and dedication.
For instance
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, a famous singer often starts her career at an early age. She has to sacrifice her hobbies to practice on a daily basis.
Hence
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, she actually has sufficient capacity to compete with other rivals in the same field to achieve the top.
Also
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, happiness and excitement , which they give to the audiences, are huge.
Therefore
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, the high income which the celebrities are offered is totally worth
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
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Secondly
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, the careers that famous people have is often short and unstable. It isn’t like different careers ,
such
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as doctors and engineers , which can
last
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for decades. Particularly, the careers of athletes or actors can end for different reasons.
For example
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, they might have severe injuries when competing or practising with their experienced coach. Their failures might be caused by the change of the public interest, or they may suffer from their mental illnesses.
In addition
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, famous people always face constant pressure to maintain beautiful images in the public
.
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eye.
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As a result
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, those challenges and sacrifices should be compensated by the high earnings. In conclusion, I do not believe that celebrities are overpaid. The income they get is commensurate with their talent, the spiritual value they bring to society and the constant challenges they face in their profession.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but make it stronger by clearly stating your position in the first sentence. This helps the reader know your view immediately.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer linking words between ideas to improve flow. For example, use "firstly," "secondly," and "finally" in the paragraphs. This will help readers follow your points better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples that relate to your points. For instance, name a celebrity who faced difficulties in their career due to public interest changing.
task achievement
You explain well why celebrities deserve high pay, mentioning their hard work and the value they bring to fans.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion sums up your ideas nicely and reaffirms your position clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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