Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance #answers

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Nowadays, society considers

money

Use synonyms

as a way to pursue contentment.

Although

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this

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differs from one person to the other, if we look at the perspective of the world's system today, we can not hide the fact that many aspects of

life

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only can be afforded by using

wealth

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. In the first civilization, humans

does

Wrong verb form

did

show examples

not use

money

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but they used a barter system to exchange different objects with the same value.

For example

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, if a farmer needs protein for their food but does not have the chance to go hunting, they could barter their crops with meat from the hunter who does hunting. It is considered equal exchange if both parties

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

on the same terms and it benefits both of them.

Then

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, when the exchange system

become

Wrong verb form

became

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more complex and the item varied to a tremendous degree, society thought there

has

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

to be some kind of intricate and detailed scheme to support

this

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thus

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money

Use synonyms

was born from that. Civilization changed over centuries, which affected how the public foresees

wealth

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Life

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needs developing not only for primer, secondary and tertiary segments but

also

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quarterly and so on which need

money

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to afford it. Even if some segments are not important for the public to live their

life

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, social media worsens them by generating ideas of contentment and pushing the public to pursue it, even though it is actually a deceitful kind of happiness. The public

begin

Wrong verb form

began

show examples

to see

wealth

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as an important aspect of

life

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although

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this

Linking Words

was

also

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supported by the world's government and the world's bank, revolving everything around the capital, and taking a lot of benefits from the common mass. From my experience, whenever I had a list of goods I

want

Wrong verb form

wanted

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to buy to achieve my well-being, my list would never be emptied even if I had already bought it all. Because, when I already buying things from the list, I would always add new things, and I would never feel satisfied and always tried

into buying

Change preposition

to buy

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more even if I

Wrong verb form

did

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not have much cash,

to begin

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with. To summarize,

wealth

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is important in society because it can buy contentment these days. But, it is recommended to not cling so much to cash because everything needs moderation and we could

also

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search for happiness in many other ways.

Submitted by ftm.zahroh on Tue Dec 06 2022

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Overall feedback

Ensure that the main points are well-developed and supported with more specific examples. Provide a clearer explanation of how money can lead to happiness and explore alternative perspectives. Work on strengthening the link between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

384 words

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Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It will be better for both society and individuals is driverless cars - cars can drive themselves- become more widely used. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important for a building to serve purpose than look beautiful , architectures should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is shortage of housing due to growing population. Some people argue that new towns should be built in the country side, others argue for the regeneration of cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of building new towns in the country?