Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance #answers

Nowadays, society considers

money

as a way to pursue contentment.

Although

this

differs from one person to the other, if we look at the perspective of the world's system today, we can not hide the fact that many aspects of

life

only can be afforded by using

wealth

. In the first civilization, humans

does

Wrong verb form

did

show examples

not use

money

but they used a barter system to exchange different objects with the same value.

For example

, if a farmer needs protein for their food but does not have the chance to go hunting, they could barter their crops with meat from the hunter who does hunting. It is considered equal exchange if both parties

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

on the same terms and it benefits both of them.

Then

, when the exchange system

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

more complex and the item varied to a tremendous degree, society thought there

has

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

to be some kind of intricate and detailed scheme to support

this

thus

money

was born from that. Civilization changed over centuries, which affected how the public foresees

wealth

Life

needs developing not only for primer, secondary and tertiary segments but

also

quarterly and so on which need

money

to afford it. Even if some segments are not important for the public to live their

life

, social media worsens them by generating ideas of contentment and pushing the public to pursue it, even though it is actually a deceitful kind of happiness. The public

begin

Wrong verb form

began

show examples

to see

wealth

as an important aspect of

life

although

this

was

also

supported by the world's government and the world's bank, revolving everything around the capital, and taking a lot of benefits from the common mass. From my experience, whenever I had a list of goods I

want

Wrong verb form

wanted

show examples

to buy to achieve my well-being, my list would never be emptied even if I had already bought it all. Because, when I already buying things from the list, I would always add new things, and I would never feel satisfied and always tried

into buying

Change preposition

to buy

show examples

more even if I

Wrong verb form

did

show examples

not have much cash,

to begin

with. To summarize,

wealth

is important in society because it can buy contentment these days. But, it is recommended to not cling so much to cash because everything needs moderation and we could

also

search for happiness in many other ways.

Submitted by ftm.zahroh on Tue Dec 06 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Overall feedback

Ensure that the main points are well-developed and supported with more specific examples. Provide a clearer explanation of how money can lead to happiness and explore alternative perspectives. Work on strengthening the link between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

384 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
immigration has become very useful these days what is your opinion about it
Immigration is defined as as the process of moving to a new country or region with the intention of staying or living there. Due to globalisation immigration has become very accessible and popular particularly among digital nomads, students and professionals. While some people believe that their population should be more homogenius and immigartion should be banned, I, as an immigrant myself, believe that this phenomenon has many long-term benefits. In this essay I will discuss why I reckon immigration to be useful.
5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.
There is no denying the fact that smartphones are used widely by some kids, which makes them busy for hours every day. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this phenomenon, and I consider that children will gain more pros if they use smartphones in a proper way under the direction of their parents, or teachers.
5
band
Nowadays celebrities are more famous by their wealth and glamour instead of their achievement. This is a bad sample for younger.
Nowadays celebrities are being famous primarily due their glamour is a complex perception. There are many factors that make them successful such as talents, marketing strategies, audience preferences . According to the development of technology, industrial entertainment focuses more on personal life or even scandals. This phenomenon negatively effect to young people perception.
5.5
band
Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that every unemployed individual should receive a mobile phone from the government including a connection to the internet. I completely agree with the statement because the usage of technology is constantly on the rise including emerging search engines for a career or scheduling interviews via audio-video conferencing which may provide a variety of opportunities for seeking work.
6
band
Some people think that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. Discuss bothe the views and give your opinion.
Certain people argue that minors should focus on all the parts of curriculum at school while some believing that youth should also be centered on one subject in which they like the most. In my opinion, having an idea of all parts included in the syllabus is important rather than only one. The below paragraphs show both the views with examples.

Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

immigration has become very useful these days what is your opinion about it

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons and include examples.

Nowadays celebrities are more famous by their wealth and glamour instead of their achievement. This is a bad sample for younger.

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. Discuss bothe the views and give your opinion.