IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

A lot of young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating from high school. What do you think are the reasons? What can be done to teach them this important skill?

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In the modern world, an increasing number of youngsters fail to develop a sensible way of how to deal with their fortune when they finish secondary school. There are several reasons accountable for
this
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, and I will discuss how to make them aware of
this
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 vital skill. A number of factors should be responsible for
this
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 phenomenon.
Firstly
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, students mainly acquire academic knowledge,
such
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 as maths, science and history, in institutions rather than financial skills.
Consequently
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, they have no idea about how to manage their income and how to save money in the future.
Secondly
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, many teenagers are so spoiled by their
parents
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 in the present day that they do not care about wealth management.
For example
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, nowadays,
parents
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 tend to satisfy whatever their children ask for, which means that teenagers will no longer treasure what they get because they acquire their fortune too easily. There is no doubt that concerted efforts from
parents
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 and schools are required to raise awareness of money management among the young generation. To illustrate, schools should take responsibility to emphasize the importance of managing wealth, which is essential for students to develop a feasible practice of how to manage their property.
Besides
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, adults should cultivate their offspring an attitude that every member of society has the need to earn and spend money after entering the workforce, and they should be aware of
this
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 and use their fortune wisely.
For instance
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,
parents
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 should encourage their children to manage wealth at an early stage and teach them the skills. In conclusion, the lack of relevant education in institutions and the spoiled love from the family should be responsible for
this
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 problem, and both schools and
parents
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 should try their best to impart financial knowledge to youngsters.

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt clearly and directly. Expand on the reasons for young people's lack of financial management skills and provide more specific solutions to teach them this skill.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow and organization of ideas in the essay. Consider using transitions to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • real-world applications
  • consumer culture
  • credit facilities
  • financial independence
  • practical financial literacy
  • manage finances
  • financial responsibility
  • money management
  • financial planning
  • tailored
  • accessible
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