IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that the land allocated for
parks
Use synonyms
 in many cities should be used to build additional homes because of the growing population.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
parks
Use synonyms
 should be preserved for as long as possible in order to improve the quality of life in cities. The preservation of
parks
Use synonyms
 has a positive impact on human well-being. The most convincing explanation for retaining
parks
Use synonyms
 is that they provide an inspirational and pleasant atmosphere in which individuals exercise and enhance their physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental health in today’s sedentary lifestyle. Walking or riding in natural environments,
for example
Linking Words
, can combat stress, boost immunity, and improve fitness, which would surely lower the risk of many diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 provide a green environment with plants and trees that play an important part in keeping the air fresh and clean
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 mitigating the detrimental effects of air pollution.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,
parks
Use synonyms
 offer families an excellent opportunity to spend quality time together, which strengthens family relations among them and reflects the quality of life in the community.
For instance
Linking Words
, many people often visit the
parks
Use synonyms
 with their families and friends to participate in various recreational activities or to celebrate local events.
This
Linking Words
 would
also
Linking Words
 give them a chance to meet and engage with other residents in their community,
as well as
Linking Words
 learn more about each other. In conclusion, I absolutely believe that
parks
Use synonyms
 should be retained since they benefit our society by enhancing our physical and psychological health
as well as
Linking Words
 allowing individuals to socialise with others in their neighbourhood.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and focused topic sentence. While your essay is structured well, stronger topic sentences can enhance coherence even further.
task achievement
Consider providing a brief counterargument to the opposing viewpoint and then refuting it. This approach can demonstrate a more balanced and critical analysis of the topic and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that support your main points, making your arguments more concrete and persuasive.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly expressed, making the essay easy to read and understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban landscape
  • green space
  • recreational opportunities
  • mental well-being
  • ecosystems
  • urban heat island effect
  • biodiversity
  • water management
  • housing shortages
  • residential development
  • accommodate
  • urban areas
  • population density
  • sustainable development
  • quality of life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: