IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The news media have to much influence on people's lives today and this is a negative development. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Ever since the birth of the radio,
news
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 has been and still is one of the most proliferated
media
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 types to exist. Now, two decades into the digital era, the spread of technology has reached nearly every corner of the world.
Thus
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, the reach of
news
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 has extended with the same magnitude.
Consequently
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, citizens around the world, especially in developed cities, experience constant exposure to
news
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media
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, which leads to
news
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media
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 having a large influence on
people
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's decisions and opinions.
This
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 essay will discuss the negative effects of
this
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 phenomenon.
People
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 trusting the
news
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 too much is both advantageous and disadvantageous. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
people
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 are more aware of current issues locally and worldwide.
This
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 is especially beneficial during natural disasters, where the
news
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 reports can enable
people
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 to evacuate to safety and prevent deaths.
On the other hand
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, citizens will not question the truth and authenticity of the information sources. On an individual level,
this
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 will decrease
people
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's critical thinking abilities and discourage scepticism and cynicism, two characteristics important to personal development.
However
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, on a larger level,
this
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 trust can be abused and used to manipulate the population of a certain city or country.
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News
Correct article usage
The news
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media
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 predominantly controlled by
media
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 companies and governments, which is a problem in and of itself. These large bodies have the power to take advantage of the influential power and the trust harboured by the
news
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' consumers to coerce them to think a certain way, like or dislike different things, or buy specific products.
Additionally
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, the broadcasters can choose to amplify or mask certain messages, shifting the population's focus to matters of their choosing;
while
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people
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 are busy watching stock charts and advertisements about peanut butter or fast food, they remain blind and oblivious to the most pressing situations: war, corruption, and poverty. I agree that
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news
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the news
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media
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 having too much influence on
people
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 is a wholly negative thing. In my opinion, it subtly removes the freedom of choice in
people
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, causing the population to morph into a herd of sheep with the broadcasting companies as the shepherds, controlling
people
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's purchases, opinions, and beliefs as they please to achieve their desired goals.

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task response
The essay shows a clear view. To improve task response, add more real examples or facts to back your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy, clear links between ideas (for example: 'also', 'but', 'however') to help flow.
coherence and cohesion
End with a short, strong conclusion that restates your view.
style
Try shorter sentences and simple word choice to keep the text easy to read.
content
Give one or two more examples of how media can push people to buy things or pick views.
task response
Clear view on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Some good examples and ideas about how media can influence people.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • negative
  • development
  • opinion
  • important
  • information
  • rely
  • source
  • thinking
  • understanding
  • focus
  • sensationalism
  • drama
  • facts
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • public
  • social media
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • updates
  • overwhelmed
  • mental health
What to do next:
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