Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer

In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
studying
art
and
music
in secondary school is not mandatory. Each student learns
art
and
music
at his own will
students
who are not interested in
art
and
music
can do sports. In my opinion
art
and
music
can not
taught
Add a missing verb
be taught
show examples
compuesonily
Correct your spelling
compulsorily
, because
students
want to learn what they are interested in and spend a lot of time learning.
Music
and
art
are
nicessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for a
students
Change noun form
student's
show examples
free time, but not always. To be interested in
art
understand
tham
Correct your spelling
them
.
Regarning
Correct your spelling
Regarding
art
and
music
in secondary school can defeat the purpose of these
students
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
a
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
likes to study specific subjects and
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
on himself. If he has to study
art
and
music
and starts learning without
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
will be left behind.
Therefore
I think that
art
and
music
should be taught in secondary school
according to
the
studentsʼ
Correct your spelling
students
wishes. I think
this
is a very satisfactory idea.
Submitted by ilkhomjon.uralov97 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. It is important to organize the content into paragraphs and provide a clear introduction and conclusion.
task response
The response does not fully address the task. The essay should provide specific reasons to support the opinion, as well as consider the opposing viewpoint and present a well-rounded argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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