IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governtments should invest funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governtments #funds #services
In the present world, different investment is constantly on the rise. Even the government has focused on different strategies in putting their money either into arts, music and theatre which turns to nothing while funds that are allotted properly in public services have a great outcome. Analysing the value of education as well as the development of national roads will prove that I am agreeing with
this
 notion.
Firstly
, allocating fund to arts, music and theatre is totally a waste since people have the
first
 line of physiologic needs
such
 as food and shelter.
For example
, tons of cultural centres which cater to amusement have gone nothing due to fewer individuals patronizing them.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the bureaucracy suffered from bankruptcy.
Secondly
, once authority will allocate an amount of money to building Universities; it would be a great form of assistance to individuals below the poverty line.
For instance
, the Philippines where Education is highly prioritized has the capacity of building humungous schools and institutions so that citizens could obtain and access the ultimate profession that they are dreaming of.
Consequently
, the country of the Philippines is labelled number one in producing high-calibre and successful nurses and physicians.
Thirdly
, when it comes to underdeveloped national roads; the state must focus and attain a goal to improve every highway specifically in far-flung areas which primarily lack access to any assistance they badly needed especially after the devastation of calamities. Like, after the super typhoon that hits the central region of the Philippines in the year 2013, many
life
 vanished for the reason that ministry aid and assistance went delayed because of road inaccessibility.
Hence
, all forms of
life
 were taken in a snap of seconds. In summary, public services are crucial and provide the continuity of
life
 rather than putting the tantamount the nation's money into different forms of arts and music. In the end,
life
 matters most compare to the material things that are erected in our surroundings.
Submitted by maymosqueda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: