IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think health care should be free for everyone. Other think that people should pay their medical cost themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opnion.

#people #health #care #cost #opnion
Nowadays, some parts of
society
 believe that medical
services
 should not be contained any cost,
although
, others say citizens should pay their costs. Free
services
 can increase the
health
 of
society
, but huge budgets need to
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
. I agree with the first comment because human
health
 is a crucial matter. On the one hand, governments and officials should sustain some aspects of their people and
health
 is one of the most important factors. All parts of
society
 can not provide enough money for their treatments as
services
 are so expensive, but free
services
 can protect them from death and save their lives. If all the people use governmental facilities,
then
 general
health
 will be improved and in the end,
overall
 costs will be lower in comparison with money-base
services
. A healthy
society
also
 has more efficiency.
For instance
, a healthy teacher can teach better than a sick one and you can see numerous differences in their students' results.
On the other hand
,
this
 method needs huge amounts of money and governments should spend their budgets remarkably on cheap or free
services
, In ,consequence they take more taxes from other people who maybe do not use
health
services
 even once in their lives. These
services
also
 do not have the same quality as private institutes and they will cause serious harm to public service users. In conclusion, the free service advantages
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages. A
society
 without illness can make the future and
also
 will return the money, which is spent on their
health
. Quality of
services
 can lead to some problems, but if officials check the situation regularly they will prevent some common troubles.
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task achievement
For a higher score, make sure all your ideas are fully developed and your arguments are presented clearly. Avoid general statements without specific examples to back them up.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one point to the next. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide your reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Presenting a more balanced view of both sides of the argument, and addressing counter-arguments more robustly, would make your task response stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main points.
task achievement
You’ve made an effort to provide specific reasons and examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay is well-organized, with a logical structure that makes it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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