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Band 6.5

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons？Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #travel #differences #home #country #cities #world #reasons？is #development？
Over the many decades, family have been applying to their different communications using cultural exchange. The alteration era has grown gradually
such
 as food, landscape or even manner with other folk. Especially, the person,who has the opportunity to visit foreign countries and bring their cultures adjust to his or her own national.
Moreover
, the country visitors have participated in modifying the undeveloped areas into civilized habitats.
For instance
, the fork and the spoon
instead
 the hand-eating, wearing a suit to the workplace or even using chopsticks Chinese nationals, habits are more sanitized and more convenient the the old.
In contrast
, some countries ban the culture
such
 as wearing short skirts, sipping booze, and eating junk food
due to
 immoral human beings.
Additionally
, these ways lead to the risk of the criminal, cyberbullying and physical health.
Thus
, others
such
 as Muslim lores, Vegans and Anti-violence populations, protest the culture of wearing uncovered clothes and eating pork ,meat, and fast food. If they receive all of the variety of human beings, their traditional values and a great number of domestic cases will gradually be lost. By the way, the settlement of the public is following the trend of buildings.
For example
, habitats of buildings like the theme of content, have been applied to attract their attention. These paths could make a great number of investors' incomes and flourish the landscape.
On the other hand
, they cause a vast amount of damage to the specific natural sources of each country, air pollution, and overpopulation.
In addition
, the wants are unlimited which causes the extinction of supplies and the pure body of animal species.
Although
 the ways do the worst things to the space, their development makes society spend their routines fluently. In my opinion, I think that the world becoming more and more similar shows the aspect of pros and cons I previously narrated.
Hence
, we should choose the culture from outside to adjust to our traditional way. We should regard sanitation, elegance and physical safety before doing that way.
Submitted by pimmada982005 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it difficult to follow the argument's progression. Ensure that your essay has a distinct introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs that support your arguments, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented in the essay are not logically structured and paragraphs should be used to divide the content into clear, coherent points. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that wraps up the point.
task achievement
The essay does not effectively address the given topic, as it does not clearly explain the reasons for the increasing similarity between cities or discuss the positive or negative implications of this development. The task requires you to respond directly to both parts of the question, providing relevant examples and a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support the ideas in your essay. The examples given are too general and do not clearly illustrate the points being made. Be sure to provide concrete examples that are directly related to the topic and help to strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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