IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #costs #amounts #money #road #development
It is irrefutable that developing and maintaining
infrastructure
 in any
city
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 funds. It is often argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether
this
 fund should be directed towards revamping the historic architecture
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or used towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
infrastructure
 and housing
projects
. I tend to agree with the latter argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and would provide supporting points in the following essay.
To begin
 with,
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is growing in all the major towns around the planet, which is resulting in overcrowding and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 cost of living; the primary reason for
this
 is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of houses in the core of the
city
. To exemplify
further
, Toronto is going through a housing crisis just because the municipality is not giving up on the old
infrastructure
 around the downtown area, making it difficult for the developers to build more buildings to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 the rising population in the region.
Therefore
, resulting in inflation and housing shortage throughout the
city
.
Additionally
, public transport is beneficial for the growth of a
city
; putting money
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
infrastructure
projects
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it
future proof
Add a hyphen
future-proof
show examples
 for the coming generation to travel around the town. To illustrate
this
, Toronto has a subway system which was built nearly 80 years
beack
Correct your spelling
back
 but still supports
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
show examples
 the main backbone for the region.
Hence
,
future ready
Add a hyphen
future-ready
show examples
projects
 like these are the once that insure the growth of a town in the coming years. To put it in a nutshell, as
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 increases the demand for housing and public transport will
also
 increase. In my view, the government should keep investing in these two
projects
 before putting any amount
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 maintaining old infrastructures.
Submitted by pramey.j.j on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: