It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

Whether young

students

should learn the

history

of their own country or that of other societies in the

world

has always been a topic of debate.

While

it is believed that learning the former is of greater importance, I disagree with

this

perspective. Some people are pro the idea of children learning national

history

, and justifiably so. The key rationale in favour of

this

idea is that being aware of their roots can instil a sense of patriotism in each child.

This

may foster an appreciation for the national heritage, which means that they are more willing to defend and contribute to their country.

By contrast

, those who lack knowledge about national

history

may not respect their traditions. Vietnam perfectly exemplifies

this

situation. As

history

education in most schools is sadly lacking, many children have grown up with a superficial understanding of their ancestors' past achievements and sacrifices,

hence

their indifference to national current affairs.

This

is a testament to the necessity of teaching schoolchildren local

history

However

, I am convinced that it is far more beneficial for

students

to learn national

history

in parallel with

world

history

This

is because acquiring insights into events that took place in other parts of the

world

can

also

give

students

a more holistic perspective of what happened in their localities.

On the other hand

, learning exclusively national

history

could cause an individual to be biased and harbour hostile feelings about foreign people.

For instance

, in Vietnam,

history

education mostly features how Vietnamese fought against foreign armies

such

as France and America, misleading many

students

into thinking that people from these countries are evil.

This

outlook may be more impartial if they thoroughly understand past wars in an international context. In conclusion.

while

there are some justifications for considering local

history

more important than

world

history

, I would contend that schoolchildren will derive the most benefit from learning both.

Submitted by nhuminh031001 on Sat Dec 24 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea which is extended and supported with examples relevant to the topic. While examples are provided in the essay, they can be expanded upon for improved clarity and relevance.

task achievement

Remain consistent when discussing examples, and avoid generalising. Examples should be presented in a way that they clearly support the argument without causing ambiguity or misunderstanding.

task achievement

Work to provide a balanced view in the task response, especially when the question asks to what extent you agree or disagree. Consider discussing both sides of the argument before presenting your conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present, which structurally bookend the essay well. Ensure the introduction sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion neatly ties all the points made, reinforcing your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Do you think consumers should avoid over packed products or is it the responsibility of the producers to avoid extra packaging of goods?

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree?

In the fight against crime, police forces and government are increasingly using security cameras in public places. Some people are opposed to this, saying that it invades our privacy. What do you think?

A lot of people spend a major part of their adult life at work, so job satisfaction is very important for individual happiness. What are the main factors that contribute to job satisfaction? What are the possible solutions for people who are unsatisfied with their jobs?