IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is true that many types of animals are now endangered as a consequence of the actions of humans. Various reasons have caused this situation, and measures must be taken into consideration urgently

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It is true that many types of
animals
Use synonyms
 are now endangered
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of the actions of humans. Various reasons have caused
this
Linking Words
 situation, and measures must be taken into consideration urgently. The decline in many animal species stems from pollution and habitat destruction. Pollution resulting from human activity is one of the main reasons why many
animals
Use synonyms
 are on the verge of extinction.
For example
Linking Words
, plentiful marine species are suffocated
due to
Linking Words
 the toxic waste people throw into oceans and rivers. Air pollution
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and
as a consequence
Linking Words
, it makes the world become
hotter
Add an article
a hotter
show examples
 event at a place.
This
Linking Words
 problem put the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of bountiful Antarctic
animals
Use synonyms
 in danger. Another important factor is the habitat of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation and industrialization. It makes
animals
Use synonyms
 living in the forest become homeless and struggle to survive. Solutions must be adopted to deal with
this
Linking Words
 heated issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the investment in sanitation systems will help protect the water sources which both
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 depend on.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should issue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 policy about limiting the amount of CO2 from factories and vehicles being released into the air to control the global warming situation.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can slow down the ice melting problem in
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
show examples
 and rescue the animal life there.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation must be banned to protect the ecosystem there. Fourthly, zoos should be developed more to become
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 for endangered species where
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 can take care of them more. In a nutshell, only by taking action, can the life of many
animals
Use synonyms
 be rescued.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
In your conclusion, restate the importance of the measures you've suggested for clarity and impact.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy throughout your essay. Paying attention to singular/plural forms (e.g., 'cause' should be 'causes') can enhance your clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant points and suggestions regarding the issue of endangered animals.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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