IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

PEOPLE NOWADAYS WORK HARD TO BUY MORE AND MORE THINGS. THIS HAS MADE OUR LIFE GENERALLY MORE COMFORTABLE BUT IT IS A PITY MANY TRADITIONAL VALUES HAVE BEEN LOST ON THE WAY TO SUCH MATERIALISM. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE STATEMENT?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
It is the biggest truth of our times that
life
 has become materialistic as men and women crave to buy more and more things. In
this
 state of mind, they consciously or unconsciously make their
life
 surface and gradually get disconnected from their
culture
 and traditions.  There are a number of reasons behind
this
.
Firstly
, material possessions are tied to self-worth. People believe if they do not have the latest gadgets or clothes of the newest fashion in town they just do not have an identity. They believe that they shall not be accepted in the social circle and shall get no respect from peers.
This
 craving may lead to the adoption of unethical modes to earn money to fulfil their ever-increasing desires.
Consequently
, values are compromised and
this
 is the
first
 blow to the inherited traditions. 
In addition
 to
this
,
culture
 and traditions are rooted in a social framework to maintain the relationships which are of great importance. But in today's
life
 where each one wishes to assert their individuality and superiority with their buying power, there is little place for respect and tolerance.
Thus
, as social structures collapse, the
culture
 is lost as well.
However
, not all the crowd who work hard and buy things to make their growth comfortable lose their
culture
. There are so many successful people who maintain a fine balance between all aspects of their
life
. 
Finally
, I opine that the desire of having more things inevitably leads the community to compromise with their cultural ethics and principles. It takes a lot of personal courage and conviction to save oneself from
such
 an outcome and lead a balanced
life
.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: