IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
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There has been contention over whether the objective of
science
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 should be to enhance individuals’
lives
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. I entirely agree with
this
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 view, as
science
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 has immensely contributed to the medical field
as well as
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 benefited the way that
people
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 communicate.
To begin
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, it is true that scientific discovery has prevented
people
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 from unknown diseases. To illustrate
this
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, the global COVID-19 pandemic, which broke out in 2020, led a great deal of
people
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 to lose their
lives
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.
However
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, on account of developing vaccinations based on scientific evidence, the
lives
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 of many
people
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 in the world were
also
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 protected, meaning that the negative consequence of
this
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 pandemic was minimised. As exemplified by
this
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, it is imperative for
people
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 to lean on
science
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 to ensure our well-being, which is of paramount importance. Another realm that
science
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 has played a pivotal role in is the means of human communication. Face-to-face communication was previously the only mainstream method to interact with others.
Nevertheless
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, technological advancement has enabled
people
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 to utilise a wide range of ways including mobile Apps, and Zooms. and other social platforms.
For instance
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, no matter where we reside in the world, not only can we send a message to our family members, but we can
also
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 call with a video.
Thus
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, it is the scientific developments that have brought
this
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 convenience to
people
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’s
lives
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. In conclusion,
science
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 has been enhancing the quality of
people
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’s
lives
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such
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 as in the area of medical and human communication.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
people
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 profoundly appreciate the enhancement of their
lives
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,
therefore
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 I contend that
science
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 should be continuously kept being leveraged with the intention of improving our
lives
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.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure cohesiveness within paragraphs through the use of varied transitional phrases. While your essay shows logical progression, integrating a wider range of transitions could enhance the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Develop your examples further to provide a more in-depth analysis. Your examples are relevant, but adding more detail could strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revising your essay to ensure all paragraphs begin with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader. This will help in strengthening the coherence of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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