IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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Should the
retirement
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age
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 be increased?
People
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 have contrasting opinions as one group of them suggests: as the
people
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 live longer nowadays,
therefore
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retirement
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age
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 should be raised.
However
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, I fully disagree with
such
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 mind setup. In
this
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 essay, I shall document two basic reasons to oppose their idea.
First
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, because life at work is full of stresses and hardworks,
therefore
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, I believe,
people
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 may start dying sooner if the pressure of work does not go away at the
age
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 of sixty, the current
retirement
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age
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. Quite recently, it has been observed and reported frequently by the media that the environment at job is becoming more and more stressed, and because of that many
people
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 are suffering from depression and high blood pressure which may lead towards demise if they are not pulled out of
such
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 toxic situation at the standard
age
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 as after 60s the human organs become weaker and may not be able to bear the burden of job.
Secondly
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, I believe humans are not machines who do not need time to enjoy with their friends and family members. As both parents are working persons and nobody is there to look after the young children as they are sent to nannies who do not have any blood relation to them and naturally cannot have a sincere and loveable affections towards kids,
therefore
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 the older
people
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 may take care of their grandchildren in a best possible way, with full of love and care.
Moreover
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, taking care of their grandchildren goes two ways: kids may be brought up by the most responsible person;
likewise
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 the older
people
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 may not suffer from loneliness;
hence
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 it is fruitfull for both parties. Summing up, the current
retirement
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age
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 is a best fit for everybody and should not be increased at all to have a healthy society.
Submitted by i.linguist1 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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