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Writing Samples
Band 6

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problems with obesity. This problem effect to the children and adults. What are the reasons for this? and how could it be tackle.

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Obesity is an enormous
health
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problem
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 that
people
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 face around the world.
This
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 condition affects all ages without exception affecting their physical, mental, and societal well-being. The countless reasons causing
this
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 illness could be treated with steps that should be followed by obese
people
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.
Initially
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, being Overweight results in unhealthy habits
while
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people
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 consume fast food without counting how many
calories
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 they are eating.
For instance
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,
while
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 a person's daily functioning from thinking or performing any vital functions will require a certain amount of
calories
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 to make energy to perform all different tasks, they tend to eat more than required which results in transforming
this
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 excess into fat
then
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 deposited in various parts of the body
such
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 as the abdomen.
In addition
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, physical inactivity plays a major issue leading to
this
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health
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problem
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. Children and adults tend to avoid exercises which prevent burning the excess of
calories
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 taken during the day resulting in exacerbating the feeling of being overweight,
thus
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 feeling low self-esteem and depression. With the growing
of
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apply
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obesity rates among young and old
people
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, they should take appropriate measures to solve
this
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problem
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 should control their eating habits by switching to a strict diet and
low
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low-calorie
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calories
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 meal plans.
For example
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, avoiding fried, carbonated beverages, and pasta which provide a significant amount of
calories
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, and choosing salads and slow-acting carbohydrates nutrients.
Moreover
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, Physical activities must be performed at least four times a week.
Health
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 Canada suggests performing at least 150 minutes of moderate to vigorous exercises which help obese patients to lose weight and be in shape.
Consequently
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, improving
overall
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 well-being and preventing mental
health
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 problems related to it
as well as
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 the utilization of high-cost medication and treatments. In conclusion, Obesity is a serious
health
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problem
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 that we need to take seriously to prevent complications related to it
such
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 as hypertension, diabetes, and many other diseases that threaten our lives. Doctors, pharmacists, and dieticians can provide valuable information on how to treat
this
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 curable issue
as well as
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preventing
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prevent
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 it.

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Task Response
Ensure consistency in your introductory and concluding remarks to enhance alignment throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Continue to develop examples with a little more depth to further illustrate your points.
General Language Use
Aim for greater precision in expressing ideas to avoid small grammatical errors, such as using "affects" correctly in context.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Response
Effective identification and explanation of causes of obesity, providing a logical flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of examples to illustrate points, enhancing reader understanding.
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