IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

3.What would you contribute to the cohort and to the Imperial community?3.What would you contribute to the cohort and to the Imperial community?

#cohort #community
I intend to bring a unique perspective to classroom discussions and group projects, valuing diverse viewpoints. Having grown up around people from various places and cultures, I have cultivated an open-minded and considerate approach that allows me to assist people who may feel uncomfortable or isolated for any reason, facilitating their adaptation and integration into the group. My extensive experience with both teamwork and individual tasks, acquired through academic studies and at work, equips me to excel in diverse collaborative settings. Recognizing the varied dynamics within teams, where some people tend to be the leader
while
 others prefer to listen and contribute selectively, I can change papers and responsibilities and adapt to the situation when needed.
Moreover
, I think that it is important to share knowledge within the cohort. I am committed to offering support and assistance and creating a collaborative and better study environment with colleagues. Beyond academic pursuits, I am eager to actively participate in extracurricular activities and workshops related to my interests.
This
 will improve my general experience
while
 contributing to the campus community. I am enthusiastic to provide help and volunteer for service projects that address community needs so that I can make a positive and meaningful contribution to the
overall
 well-being of the Imperial community.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the essay contains a logical flow, transitioning between some of the points could be improved to make the structure more cohesive. Connectives and transitional words could be employed more effectively to guide the reader through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion can be strengthened. The introductory statement should clearly state what contributions will be made, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points, reinforcing the impact of the prospective contributions on the Imperial community.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are generally supported, providing more specific examples and experiences to illustrate your contributions will make your essay stronger. General statements could be replaced with detailed descriptions of what you have done and what you plan to do.
task achievement
You have responded to the prompt by addressing what contributions you would make. However, expanding upon the significance and the potential outcomes of these contributions would provide a more complete response. Aim to clearly articulate not only what you will do but also the potential impact of these actions.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but occasionally they could be more comprehensive. To do this, focus on developing each point with examples and explanations that reinforce your ability to contribute meaningfully to the cohort.
task achievement
Your use of examples is pertinent, but to enhance your task achievement score, use specific personal experiences or plans directly related to the context of the Imperial community. Abstract claims should be minimized in favor of concrete, actionable contributions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: