IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern children are suffering from those disease which were once consider to be meant for the aduts only.obesity is the major disease prevalent among the children.what are its causes and remedies?

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In today's world,
children
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 are being attacked by diseases which were previously thought to be related to adults only.
Now a days
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Nowadays
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, obesity is a major sickness which is very common among
children
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.
This
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 essay will present its causes and remedies. The two major causes which make
this
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disease
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 prominent among the
children
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 are consumption of junk
food
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 and lack of physical activity. At present,
chlidren
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children
 are consuming junk
food
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 like
burger
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burgers
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, pizza etc regularly. The main reason behind
this
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 is the lack of awareness among their
parents
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.
Parents
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 are not making
the
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their
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children
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 aware of the harmful effects of junk
food
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 and not preparing
home made
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homemade
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food
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 for their
children
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 as an alternative.
Furthermore
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, urbanisation and industrialisation
has
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have
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 contributed to the reduction in the number of open fields where
children
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 can play.
Consequently
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, the
children
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 stay at home and play computer games to pass their leisure time.
This
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further
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 aggravates the condition of obesity among them. Making the
parents
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 aware of the
disease
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 and providing lots of open space to the
children
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 for their physical activities are two crucial things to do in order to resolve the issue. The Government should organize seminars,
symposiums
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and symposiums
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 for
parents
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 to make them aware of the
disease
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. Television advertisements or billboards can
also
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 be displayed to develop
the
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apply
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awareness.
Also
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, there should be ample space for
children
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 to take part in any sports
at
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in
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 their free time.
Parents
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 should encourage
children
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 to perform physical
activites
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activities
instead
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 of playing computer games during their leisure period. In conclusion, it can be said that ensuring appropriate remedies as mentioned in the above paragraph may help to curb
down
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apply
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the
prevalency
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prevalence
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 of the
disease
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 of obesity among
the
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apply
show examples
children
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. Performing the remedial steps can make sure that the
disease
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 can be attributed to adults only like
past
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in past
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 days.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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