IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The only reason people work hard is money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #work #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that
money
Use synonyms
 plays an indispensable role in the world of
work
Use synonyms
 While there are quite a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who support the idea that
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 hard to only gain profit, others tend to disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Throughout
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give reasons and exemplify why somewhat agree with the idea that
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 hard for profit
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
,with
show examples
 it's indisputable that
money
Use synonyms
 is necessary for survival in modern society We need
money
Use synonyms
 almost everywhere, from buying food and goods to getting a proper education and other necessities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is clear that
money
Use synonyms
 acts as some sort of incentive for many
people
Use synonyms
As a result
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 would like to
work
Use synonyms
 harder if it was the case that they would gain more
money
Use synonyms
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 buy more goods and enjoy the convenience of things that
money
Use synonyms
 can buy
This
Linking Words
 is not only beneficial for the individual alone, but
also
Linking Words
 for the community as a whole, as it could help foster a thriving economy
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it is not uncommon that nowadays,
money
Use synonyms
 is really what determines one's social status. It can be difficult to access the best education, make valuable connections, or afford luxuries like a nice car without a certain level of wealth.
This
Linking Words
 can create a sense of unfairness and make it difficult for those without financial resources to succeed In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I firmly believe that the many benefits
people
Use synonyms
 can buy with
money
Use synonyms
 can be a powerful motivator, pushing individuals to
work
Use synonyms
 longer hours and put in
extra
Add an article
the extra
show examples
 effort.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is evident that
money
Use synonyms
 can indeed make
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 harder
Submitted by muntagsuheel55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: