IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc.to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In modern society, money, work and education are the key factors to survive.
It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 considered that students should go to university, while others believe that youngsters should start to earn bread after high school. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I will explain both points and give my view. To commence with, individuals should study higher to get
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar

It seems that white collar is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 jobs and to contribute to the global economy and issues. To explicate, by getting higher qualifications one cannot only enhance their living standards
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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 but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 serves the population around the globe with their master skills.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in a survey, it was found that 90% of people working in major sectors are highly graduates from universities and involve in the research industries.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is proved that university degrees not only produce highly skilled workers but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 increase their job options for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if a person starts to work at a young age, there is no need to spend a chunk of the amount on
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 studies. To explore it, one can learn skills through their experiences and save a huge sum of dollars.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, early working helps to save time and money.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it provides practical knowledge for victory.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the headline of ' India Times' mentioned how a business tycoon, whose company annual turnover is in billions, starts working after leaving the secondary institute.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is clear that life experiences are more important to become successful in any industry. In conclusion, despite the advantages of becoming more successful in life without higher education, my opinion is that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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 still it is important to gain both theoretical and practical learning of any skill.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • vocational training
  • skillset
  • employment landscape
  • economic contributions
  • hands-on experience
  • critical thinking skills
  • practical knowledge
  • tuition fees
  • trade professions
  • essential workforce
  • academic qualifications
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