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Band 6.5

In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people. Is it a positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #development
It’s a negative development. In my opinion, a higher ratio of elder
people
 than youngsters could cause global development to be collapsed. If a country or
city
 is facing older population overwhelming young
people
. It could cause serious economic problems. I am going to explain the drawbacks in the essay.
Firstly
, the higher ratio of elder communities in a
city
 could result in a lack of
income
 but a substantial amount of expenditure.
For example
, as a
city
 have a large population of older
people
 and a small young community, most young
people
 prefer to travel to another
city
 for their future. At that time, the government needs to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
 with pensions and supply medical institutions for healthcare and physical examination.
Therefore
, the government could expense a large amount of budget without any impossible
income
.
Secondly
, the population of young individuals
are mostly represented
Change the verb form
have mostly represented
show examples
 the workforce of the
city
. The workforce could have a significant decrease as the young generation are move to other cities. In doing so, most elderly individuals are unable to work or be an employee.
This
 could affect industrial commerce to be closed or have no benefit.
Thus
, the economy of the
city
 could be ceased as there is no possible
income
 for the
city
 and it
also
 needs to use the budget to support the older
people
. In conclusion, with the development of a higher proportion of elder communities than younger
people
, the whole society could be affected negatively as cities or countries have to expend an enormous amount of budget to assist the elder community with less
income
.
Submitted by doud99697 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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