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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays children has become more addicted to TV and because of that their physical activity level is decreasing. What can be the cause and possible solution to that?

#children #tv #activity #level
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In
this
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 day and age, the vast majority of youngsters could not live a day without sophisticated technologies
such
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 as TV, smartphone, laptop and etc.
Consequently
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, more and more undergraduates are suffering from low physical activity which causes both psychological and physical obstacles. In the forthcoming ,paragraph
this
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 essay will discuss its possible consequences and solution with relevant examples.
First
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 and foremost, Not getting enough physical activity could lead to heart disease even for people who have no other risk factors. It can
also
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 increase the likelihood of developing other heart disease risk factors, including obesity, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. On top of that, the mental health of an individual could have significantly deteriorated since
Add an article
the
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poor condition of health would entirely ruin the appeal of the individual. As a matter of fact, approximately 70 per cent of people who are struggling with obesity and heart issues tend to be in depression and
anxious
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anxiety
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.
Therefore
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, being sluggish because of addiction to technology will considerably harm both physical and mental conditions.
On the other hand
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, in order to get rid of
this
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 paramount problem parents should consider measures.
In other words
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, the guardians should make a proper talk with the offspring and make an attempt to convince them about the dramatic consequences of it.
As a result
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, a youngster may realise the importance of the current issue and begin to decrease screen time step by step. To conclude, even though being indolent is quite harmful to undergraduates,
,
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apply
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 it could be effortlessly solved by a proper talk between parent and offspring.
Submitted by argyn-34 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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