IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Countries should not replace their traditional culture with modern culture . To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#countries #culture
It is no doubt that in
this
 modern era, the crowd can obtain multicultural social lifestyle from other nations which is totally different from their own style.
However
, I actually disagree that altering their characteristic to advanced
culture
.
Therefore
this
 essay will discuss the disadvantages of replacing national identity. On the one hand, technology is rapidly increasing in many fields, including social media. People can socialize with one another in person via Facebook, TikTok, Instagram and so on and gain variations of information from foreign countries is possible. Sadly, teenagers nowadays tend to be interested in modern cultures where they are big fans of Korean celebrities. As a consequence, younger people usually imitate Korean
culture
instead
, dressing, styling, and art.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, the national characteristics will probably disappear in the future as soon as possible due to the fact that the descendants as the
next
 leaders of the country do not know their own
culture
. It is because they are only eager to learn about foreign cultures. To demonstrate, massive both men and women in Indonesia are very addicted to the western style. They like to go visit Europe and UK as well as developed countries just for fun and take pictures in front of modern avenues and architecture and
then
 uploading on social media. They do not understand how beautiful Indonesia is and what abundant traditional
culture
 is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which people from any country around the world attract to visit and learn the wealth of traditions. In conclusion. It is paramount for countries to preserve and not leave out their original characteristics.
However
, learning
also
 modern social lifestyle is not a wrongdoing to maintain following the trend of the world and open big opportunities. So that governments should involve in preventing their territory from the danger of changing
culture
.
Submitted by febriantyhasanah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: