IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, children show less respect to elders. What are the causes of such behaviour? What can be done to address this situation?

#countries #children #show #respect #elders #behaviour #address #situation
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Despite the importance of moral values
such
 as respect for the elderly, many young adults today lack regard for
this
 principle. In
this
 essay, I will examine why offspring do not behave properly and discuss some strategies to encourage them to adopt certain values. Nowadays, with the development of technology and the difficulty for adults to adapt to it, many young adults have started to feel smarter and more powerful, and social media makes many people put their abnormal ideas, and that affects their offspring,
In addition
, some studies prove that video games and iPads affect
children
's behaviours the most important is how the
parents
 behave with the elderly many
parents
 teach their
children
 and forget themselves many studies prove that most
children
 learn from the actions of their parent's not what they say. Ultimately,
parents
 can not prevent the development of technology and they can not prevent their
children
 from using social media and video games, but they can encourage them with good actions in front of them and they need to be careful about what they watch and learn. Ultimately, improving intergenerational relationships is the key to addressing
this
 issue. By spending quality time with their
children
 and encouraging them to learn from their grandparents,
parents
 can help create a sense of mutual understanding and respect.
Furthermore
, young people can take the initiative to share their knowledge with their elderly relatives, creating opportunities for intergenerational bonding and creating lasting memories. By taking these steps, we can work towards a society where respect for the elderly is valued and cherished
Submitted by reemaljuaidi8 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the main idea and ensure that all points are connected logically.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the causes presented and support these ideas with specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing to clear distinguish different key points or sections in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusions by summarising the main points and briefly restate how these solutions will help address the issue.
task achievement
Further develop the discussion of solutions and ensure that they directly address the causes mentioned in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusions which succinctly summarise the main points made.
task achievement
Explanation of the role of technology and social media in shaping children's behaviour is relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Focus on practical solutions, such as encouraging positive actions and improving intergenerational relationships, aligns well with the essay task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tradition
  • Cultural dynamics
  • Intergenerational relationships
  • Behavioral norms
  • Social cohesion
  • Technology-induced isolation
  • Role models
  • Etiquette
  • Institutional respect
  • Mutual understanding
What to do next:
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