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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Companies spend millions each year advertising online in magazine and billboards. These adverts can often encourage people to want and buy things that they do not need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

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In our modern life,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of factories
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to adverting online
in
Change preposition
on
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 some kind of sites and
newspapers
Change preposition
in newspapers
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 because it helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businessmen to sell easily their
products
Use synonyms
 and many humans are able to buy something which they want. From my point of view, it has a lot of positive sites because when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies
Use synonyms
 can
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
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 their
products
Use synonyms
, they may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achieve more success. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I discuss both these will
considered
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 and elucidated. On the one hand, it has a number of positive
acpects
Correct your spelling
aspects
.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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businessmen get more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 advertising because if the
companies
Use synonyms
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
show examples
 their things via newspapers or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, majorities
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
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 can see the product by advertising and they decided to buy a new product.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is more important for mankind because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans want to buy
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things and they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advertising
Change the verb
advertise
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the best way to improve their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, according to
Add an article
the statistic
a statistic
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statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, many
companies
Use synonyms
 prefer to sell any kind of
products
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising because
this
Linking Words
 way is more convenient for everybody.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it has some disadvantages effects of it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it may be more expensive for
companies
Use synonyms
 because when the
companies
Use synonyms
advert
Wrong verb form
advertise
show examples
 their own product, they have to pay money for advertising.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if individuals purchase some
products
Use synonyms
 by advertising, they may face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor quality of things because they can not
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 with sellers.
Thus
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people always need to
Add a missing verb
be careful
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careful
Replace the word
care
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, these days there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of fake
advertasing
Correct your spelling
advertising
.
Hunce
Correct your spelling
Hence
, majorities individuals suffer
this
Linking Words
 condition and they compline for poor
products
Use synonyms
 to
boss
Add an article
the boss
show examples
 of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. In conclusion, they have both positive and negative effects of it.
However
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 it is very
essentional
Correct your spelling
essential
 for mankind. In my opinion, it is the best way to increase the
customers
Correct quantifier usage
number of customers
show examples

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