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Band 7.5

What are the main reasons and solutions for re-offend?

#re-offend
Every country has its own laws to combat crime and criminals.
However
, nowadays, it is quite apparent that many criminals repeat crimes even after being punished. It has really become a matter of concern because of multiple reasons and
according to
 me,
this
 kind of problem should be addressed immediately. To start with, undoubtedly, these criminals are influenced by many reasons like social isolation, unemployment, psychological disabilities, and lack of education. Unfortunately, they are subjected to humiliation very frequently by society people which disturbs them mentally and puts them in a constant state of depression. The imbalanced mental condition never lets them get rid of a criminal record.
Moreover
, their past criminal background leaves them in the lurch of unemployment.
While
 finding no way to meet
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both ends, they start following the same path of destruction. Lack of knowledge and skills is the other contributing factor. It is true that there is no problem without the solution. The government should get up from a long slumber and initiate rehabilitation programs for them in which they should be given vocational training for self-employment. The other sustainable approach is psychological nourishment where they can be exposed to regular spiritual and religious lectures. That will help them to keep them away from criminal activities.
Moreover
, the individual should do something on the grassroots level by remaining sympathetic towards them as Gandhi Ji said; Hate the sin, not the sinner. Indeed, the aforesaid measures are highly required to curb
this
 problem as a stitch on time saves nine.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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task achievement
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to further strengthen your main points with more specific examples. For instance, you could include examples of successful rehabilitation programs in certain countries.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. Nevertheless, ensure that each paragraph elaborates in more depth to make your arguments even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framing for your arguments.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good grasp of the topic and your points are clearly articulated.
task achievement
The language used is engaging and you employ a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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