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Band 6

Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion?

#people #governments #change #individuals #points
in recent times, the community is a role key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
country. in an independent country, the majority was thinking that the individual is free to choose their own
way
 and will give a lot of benefits for growth.
although
, there are some people who believe that if the state makes some
rules
 for individual
life
 it will have
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 impact on the nation. in my opinion, both of the statements is giving the best approach for the individual. on the one hand, there are some populations who argue that as an individual we should choose our
life
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on what we need. the community
known
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
 what the best for their
life
.
for instance
, after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior high school,
Add an article
a
the
show examples
teenager can
continuing
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continue
be continuing
show examples
 their studies based on their passion, not by the
rules
from
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of
show examples
 the ministry. a lot of resolutions from each youth can be
realization
Replace the word
realised
show examples
 if they choose their own
way
.
on the other hand
, other people think that if the authority makes
rules
 for community
life
 it will be helping the country
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
boost development. in that case, the authority can make a rule in the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 sector. if the union can guide the
way
 economy
in
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of
show examples
 each individual, the gap between the poor and the rich will decrease.
for example
,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 in Lampung Province the state is making a policy which is setting the income
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each person. depending on
this
 situation, the populations in
this
 area can buy what they need.
as a result
, the number of criminals
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by poor people
was reduced
Change the verb form
has reduced
show examples
 because their
life
 in a better
way
. in a nutshell, the individual can realize
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dream in
their
Change the word
a
show examples
way
 that can
improving
Change the verb form
improve
be improving
show examples
 them into the best
life
.
in addition
, the government can make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
rules
a rule
show examples
rules
 in
Add an article
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 sector, it is balancing the gap between the poor and the rich.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nanny state
  • personal freedoms
  • sustainability
  • carbon emissions
  • societal changes
  • empowered
  • regulations
  • democratic societies
  • personal responsibility
  • intervention
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