IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion?

#people #governments #change #individuals #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
in recent times, the community is a role key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
country. in an independent country, the majority was thinking that the individual is free to choose their own
way
Use synonyms
 and will give a lot of benefits for growth.
although
Linking Words
, there are some people who believe that if the state makes some
rules
Use synonyms
 for individual
life
Use synonyms
 it will have
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 impact on the nation. in my opinion, both of the statements is giving the best approach for the individual. on the one hand, there are some populations who argue that as an individual we should choose our
life
Use synonyms
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on what we need. the community
known
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
 what the best for their
life
Use synonyms
.
for instance
Linking Words
, after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior high school,
Add an article
a
the
show examples
teenager can
continuing
Change the verb form
continue
be continuing
show examples
 their studies based on their passion, not by the
rules
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the ministry. a lot of resolutions from each youth can be
realization
Replace the word
realised
show examples
 if they choose their own
way
Use synonyms
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, other people think that if the authority makes
rules
Use synonyms
 for community
life
Use synonyms
 it will be helping the country
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
boost development. in that case, the authority can make a rule in the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 sector. if the union can guide the
way
Use synonyms
 economy
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each individual, the gap between the poor and the rich will decrease.
for example
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
,currently
show examples
 in Lampung Province the state is making a policy which is setting the income
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each person. depending on
this
Linking Words
 situation, the populations in
this
Linking Words
 area can buy what they need.
as a result
Linking Words
, the number of criminals
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 by poor people
was reduced
Change the verb form
has reduced
show examples
 because their
life
Use synonyms
 in a better
way
Use synonyms
. in a nutshell, the individual can realize
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dream in
their
Change the word
a
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 that can
improving
Change the verb form
improve
be improving
show examples
 them into the best
life
Use synonyms
.
in addition
Linking Words
, the government can make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
rules
a rule
show examples
rules
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 sector, it is balancing the gap between the poor and the rich.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nanny state
  • personal freedoms
  • sustainability
  • carbon emissions
  • societal changes
  • empowered
  • regulations
  • democratic societies
  • personal responsibility
  • intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: