Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In order to decline the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
, it is still debatable whether criminals should be sent to jail for longer
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
of time or
related
Correct word choice
whether related
show examples
parties should take
another alternative ways
Replace the adjective
another alternative way
other alternative ways
show examples
. In my opinion, using another method will be more effective in reducing
crime
rates,
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
which
this
essay is going to elaborate. On one hand,
prison
is particularly effective in reducing
crimes
when it is targeted at serious and repeat offenders. Providing
prison
sentences for a long time will have a deterrent effect on criminals. They will not repeat the
crimes
they committed because they already know how tormented they are living in a
prison
that severely limits their freedom as human beings.
Besides
, if people are imprisoned and educated during their long
prison
term, they will leave
prison
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good and insightful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
since they have learned something important from jail. Despite the above argument, I strongly believe that opening
job
opportunities should be considerably taken as one of the alternative ways in reducing
crime
. There are motives from perpetrators to launch their actions in doing
crimes
, one of which is
economic
Add an article
an economic
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. Regarding that, by providing as many
job
opportunities as possible, stakeholders can help
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
the number of
crimes
because people are able to fulfil their needs on their own since they have a
job
to make money from.
For instance
, a banker, who works in a state-owned enterprise, would not do
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
for economic reasons since he/she has a
job
to earn money from to fulfil his/her daily needs. All in all,
although
the two methods above can be applied to reduce the rate of
crime
, I believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creating as many jobs as possible it will be able to reduce the
crime
rate because the most common reason people commit
crimes
is
due to
economic factors.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays: