IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In order to decline the number of
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
, it is still debatable whether criminals should be sent to jail for longer
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time or
related
Correct word choice
whether related
show examples
 parties should take
another alternative ways
Replace the adjective
another alternative way
other alternative ways
show examples
. In my opinion, using another method will be more effective in reducing
crime
Use synonyms
 rates,
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 which
this
Linking Words
 essay is going to elaborate. On one hand,
prison
Use synonyms
 is particularly effective in reducing
crimes
Use synonyms
 when it is targeted at serious and repeat offenders. Providing
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences for a long time will have a deterrent effect on criminals. They will not repeat the
crimes
Use synonyms
 they committed because they already know how tormented they are living in a
prison
Use synonyms
 that severely limits their freedom as human beings.
Besides
Linking Words
, if people are imprisoned and educated during their long
prison
Use synonyms
 term, they will leave
prison
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good and insightful
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 since they have learned something important from jail. Despite the above argument, I strongly believe that opening
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities should be considerably taken as one of the alternative ways in reducing
crime
Use synonyms
. There are motives from perpetrators to launch their actions in doing
crimes
Use synonyms
, one of which is
economic
Add an article
an economic
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. Regarding that, by providing as many
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities as possible, stakeholders can help
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 because people are able to fulfil their needs on their own since they have a
job
Use synonyms
 to make money from.
For instance
Linking Words
, a banker, who works in a state-owned enterprise, would not do
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 for economic reasons since he/she has a
job
Use synonyms
 to earn money from to fulfil his/her daily needs. All in all,
although
Linking Words
 the two methods above can be applied to reduce the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
, I believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creating as many jobs as possible it will be able to reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate because the most common reason people commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 is
due to
Linking Words
 economic factors.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: