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Band 6

Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while others say that they should think more realistically about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #people #career #future
In the present age, whether working in your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 place or you should think more
sensible
Change the word
sensibly
show examples
 about your future
career
 has sparked much debate. Some
people
 assert that everyone should work somewhere
along
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their satisfaction,
whereas
 many others argue that the perspective of their
jobs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more important. Personally, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter view. Convincing arguments can be made that working in arbitrary environments
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a beneficial effect on society. To start with,
people
 who
voluntary
Change the word
voluntarily
show examples
 choose their
career
 have job satisfaction.
In other words
, they never make a complaint about their
jobs
;
as a result
, they always have a sense of relief and satisfaction.
Moreover
, these employees have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high self-confidence, because they exactly do their eligible job and they know how can manage when they face various problems;
therefore
 they can easily promote
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 positions.
Lastly
, life expectancy rise among these
people
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
people
 who have
jobs
 in line with their own
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, don’t feel any stress and anxiety;
hence
, they aren’t liable to dangerous diseases. Admittedly,
people
 who choose their
career
 with
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to the future of that, sometimes are more successful. The reason for
this
 is their logical choice. They think about all the pros and cons of
probable
Correct article usage
a probable
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 without
consider
Change the verb form
considering
show examples
 their own interest. Even so, these workers have
a monotonous lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a monotonous life
monotonous lives
show examples
 and through time
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 performance may decrease significantly and they may make redundant. In summary, I would concede that practical choices of
career
 have some advantages. Despite that, employees who choose their
jobs
 freely have better performance and self-esteem.
Overall
, I am convinced that
people
 should choose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 job.
Submitted by Babak.ghassemi.9 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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