Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some argue that the
health
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of
people
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could be worsened by staying in big towns. I strongly agree with
this
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argument because there are many factors why it is better to live in urban areas
such
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as
pollution
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and diseases. On the one hand,
while
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big
cities
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offer better career opportunities and economic stability than urban
cities
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, there are
also
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drawbacks to these facts. Better career opportunities mean there are a lot of companies that open their offices in big towns, especially in the capital city of the country.
This
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will make many employees have to commute to work and spend most of their time on the road, increasing
air
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pollution
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caused by the transportation used.
Hence
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, it will create some
health
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problems
such
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as TBC, influenza,
as well as
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cancer.
For example
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, as per the BBC news, Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, have the highest rate of traffic jams and
air
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pollution
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compared to all
cities
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in the world.
On the other hand
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, rural
cities
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usually have better environments and
air
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quality.
This
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is because not many
people
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and firms live there,
thus
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there will be fewer
people
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commuting or driving on the road. It will significantly reduce
air
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pollution
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and increase life quality.
For instance
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, a recent study shows that
people
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who live in urban areas have longer years of life above 80 years old on average.
This
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is caused by a better environment and happiness. In conclusion,
pollution
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and diseases are among the factors that could determine
people
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's
health
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, whether to live in big
cities
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or in urban
cities
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, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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also
Linking Words
bring different benefits to some individuals respectively. I believe
people
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should consider
transmigrating
Verb problem
migrating
show examples
to smaller towns despite the plenty of opportunities in big
cities
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considering the possibility of some
health
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problems.
Submitted by dorima on

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language
Be careful with word choice to avoid confusion. For example, 'urban cities' is redundantly referring to 'urban'. Consider using 'rural areas' instead.
organization
Enhance coherence by utilizing more varied linking words and phrases to create seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
organization
The essay maintains a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for the argument and summing up effectively.
content
Examples provided, such as those related to Jakarta, help in reinforcing the main points discussed regarding pollution and health.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
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