IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree?

#minutes #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that
media
Use synonyms
 coverage of celebrities
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a negative effect on children because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the seer thinks about their life and
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
stars
Change noun form
stars'
star's
show examples
 popularity but they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 think about the future generations. If they deliver the news in a good way that will not create more impact on kids.
Media
Use synonyms
 can gather information from various channels and telecast content in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 way.
Firstly
Linking Words
, today
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 are growing
upimmersed
Correct your spelling
up immersed
 in digital
media
Use synonyms
 which ranges from tv to social affairs, video
gamesand
Correct your spelling
games and
 so many more and it is available
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
,
gaming
Correct word choice
and gaming
show examples
 consoles. Actually, it
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 on generation about
feels
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
, thinking and
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
. Nowadays , social platform usage is increasing as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are becoming
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lazy and
stick
Wrong verb form
sticking
show examples
 to the digital network.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the corona pandemic most of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society thas addicted to easy life without reading and getting more
deatails
Correct your spelling
details
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
nwes
Correct your spelling
news
 papers.
secondly
Linking Words
, in
olden
Correct article usage
the olden
show examples
 days humans unite and sit in one place to get about data whatever happening in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 and expose their new ideas.
However
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 will think being inactive can cause various diseases like obesity, heart risks and delays in learning and communication skills.
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 to our point,
childerens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 are watching
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities which may
carse
Correct your spelling
cause
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous effects on them. In
this
Linking Words
 aspect, news coverage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 popular persons can create a negative and positive effect and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can partially
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point. In my view there are
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
some
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
age preferences and
medi
Correct your spelling
media
 will
also
Linking Words
 indicate about the era about who can view and should not view,So that parents should take care of that and allow our young ones to go through.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the present topic ,
due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
media
Use synonyms
sucha
Correct your spelling
such
 as
televisons
Correct your spelling
televisions
television
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, celebrities can reach a wider
rangeof
Correct your spelling
range of
audiances
Correct your spelling
audiences
 and kids are an exemption.
Submitted by prudhvi.pinninti18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: