IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people consider online study courses better than classroom studies, while others think classroom study is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #study #courses #classroom #studies
Virtual learning vs traditional learning is widely discussed recently, especially after
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 happened, some contemplate that virtual learning is better than traditional learning,
although
, In my own opinion, online learning is advantageous
that
Correct word choice
because that
show examples
 gives more learning
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Traditional
Add an article
The traditional
A traditional
show examples
classroom
 can offer
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interaction between peers, which is crucial to the students so they can discuss personally the subjects and gives their direct opinion about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
furthermore
, being socially active is good
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 mental development.
For instance
, a
study
 shows that socializing
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others likely prevents dementia,
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
show examples
 why it is advisable to talk and interact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others for healthy brain development.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
traditional
Correct article usage
a traditional
show examples
classroom
 gives
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 for the students to have access
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 facilities, like
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 and gym, which gives them chance to visit the library for some research
as well as
gym
Add an article
a gym
show examples
 where they can have some physical education.
Whereas
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
according to
 some
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
, virtual
classroom
Fix the agreement mistake
classrooms
show examples
 have more merits than the traditional
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
,
firstly
, it will give a flexible time for the student to
study
, especially those who are working
while
 studying. It is easier for them to manage their time to
study
, which makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
concentrate more and motivate harder. Another point, it is quite cheaper, since they are not going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to spend fare, extra allowances and food, which likely give
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 burden to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 are those sending them to
school
.
Lastly
, it provides the students
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
comfortable place to
study
, unlike the
school
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 you have to go and sit down
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
classroom
,
instead
 they can stay in the most comfortable place for them to focus
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will likely increase their marks. In conclusion, even though virtual learning has more pros than
classroom
 studies as long as the student will give their best to achieve their goal of finishing their studies both are to be considered
according to
 the
preferrence
Correct your spelling
preference
preferences
 of the student.
Submitted by leoriemadeo1287 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: