IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reaons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has been universally accepted that the problem of the crime
ratio
Use the right word
rate
show examples
 is escalating at an alarming rate. The complication is bringing a state of depression among the masses and in the economy
too
Punctuation problem
, too
show examples
. To my opinion, there are many reasons for the same and its possible solutions can be suggested too which are discussed as follows. In regards to the issue, the major reason which can be stated is the inability to control emotions. In support of
this
Linking Words
 reason, a fact known is
when
Correct word choice
that when
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 someone is in a depressed mind and if no one to help them, they tend to fo harmful actions. Some people
suicide
Verb problem
commit suicide
show examples
while
Linking Words
 some commit murder. Another problematic cause is the economical crisis.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some folks who are economically unstable
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
attend
Verb problem
who attempt
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 to steal from others. Seeing the problem with a brighter mind, many solutions can be helpful to curb
this
Linking Words
 menace. One of the solutions is to implement facilities to support people who suffer from emotional conditions.
As a result
Linking Words
, the public will
more
Verb problem
be more
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 likely to get support from a professional
instead
Linking Words
 of taking sudden decisions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the government can initiate a fund that supports poor communities.
For example
Linking Words
, some countries have implemented social funds to assist someone facing monetary issues.
Lastly
Linking Words
, enforcing tight rules for crimes would definitely affect the crime rate. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, increasing time in prison and fines significantly would lessen the crime
ratio
Check wording
rate
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 in a country.
To conclude
Linking Words
, solving a global issue is not easy
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 with the joint efforts of the community, control can be taken over the trouble with the aforementioned suggested measures. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 dilemma.

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structure
Plan the essay with a clear map: state the main causes, then give a solution for each. Use one plan sentence at the start and finish with a short ending.
coherence
Make a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and keep one main idea there. Use simple linking words to show how ideas go on.
language
Check the grammar and spell. Fix small errors like 'fo' to 'do', 'an instance' to 'for instance', and fix articles and prepositions.
content
Give clear links between cause and solution. For each cause, give a specific solution that fits the point.
content
Use more examples that fit the idea and show how the cause leads to crime or how the solution helps.
content
The essay tries to answer the task and give ideas.
content
Some examples are used to support points.
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