IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The population of young people is more than old people in the countries .And it benefit us To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#population #people #countries #benefit
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Nowadays, the population of young
people
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 are increasing with the result that young
people
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 are more than elderly citizens in
the
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apply
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society. Some
people
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 strongly advocate that it benefits us. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 idea. More young
people
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 can promote technology innovation because they may have more creative thoughts
in
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about
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technological
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a technological
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item
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items
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such
Linking Words
 as electronic devices, intelligent appliances, and eco-friendly cars. The young generation, who were born in a high-tech society ,use
products
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 of high technological design since they were a child. They are more familiar with digital items which enables them to
work
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 on developing these items to make them better match the need of the public.
For example
Linking Words
, more young
people
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 use Apple
products
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 than older
people
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 do. Apple company are prone to employ young technicians to
work
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 for them because they believe that young workers may be able to design new features for their
products
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 which can attract the public. With more creative designs on Apple
products
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, it
help
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helps
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 promote technology innovation in
electronic
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the electronic
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 devices area. Another benefit of more young
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worker
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workers
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 than
elderly
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the elderly
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worker
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workers
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 is that they
work
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 efficiently which yields more profits for the company. Young
people
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 are more likely to
work
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 faster and harder. Companies involved can yield more profits which
develop
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develops
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 the economy for
the
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apply
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society. For
instances
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instance
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, when working at a construction site, a young
worker
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 may carry more heavy
item
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items
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 than an older
worker
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. It ensures
a
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an
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architechture
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architecture
to be
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is
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 built faster than
it
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apply
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expected. From
company's
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the company's
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 perspective, it saves time and money so they can build more. The more they build, the more profits they get. In conclusion, I totally agree that it is beneficial for us to have more young citizens than elderly
people
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 because it may be able to promote
technology
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technological
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 innovation and make
economy
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the economy
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properous
Correct your spelling
prosperous
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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