IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Some people believe that Arts (such as painting and music) do not improves people’s life and, therefore, government should not spent money on it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #people’s #life #government #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 some argue that the government should not invest a considerable amount of money in art sectors, others believe that it is worth consuming some money on cultural assets as they may enhance humans to make a better life. I generally agree with the latter statement as explained below. First and foremost, there is strong evidence that engaging in Arts, especially a creative activity will encourage those who are currently doing something to become healthy
as well as
Linking Words
 enhance their well-being
according to
Linking Words
 research.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who are playing the piano or drawing some pictures tend to feel healthier and happier than the observers who are just seeing some portraits or listening to classical music.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it seems that music may connect with different nationalities across the border in
this
Linking Words
 harsh and challenging world where Russia has invaded Ukraine, forcing Ukrainians not to make rooms to involve in playing any instruments like violins.
However
Linking Words
, it can be seen that some Japanese well-known musicians gave their helpful hands and
then
Linking Words
 dealt with
this
Linking Words
 situation.
For example
Linking Words
, a renowned violinist has utilized the laptop and played music together online.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the local residents who are good at playing the flute were able to overcome the tough circumstances and practice it during the war.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is certainly true that the government should make a priority in supporting basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as food and energy in order to take care of locals in urgent need.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that creative activities may provide most people with a rich body and mind,
whereas
Linking Words
 the government ought to play a vital role in satisfying their fundamental demands.
Submitted by flower84 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: