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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of convenience food has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern lifestyle. What are the advantages and disadvantages of convenience food?

Nearly every field of the world we live in
,
Remove the comma
apply
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has evolved to a
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 form.
Convenience
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is one
such
Linking Words
 product of
modernized
Correct article usage
the modernized
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 industry,and its advantages and disadvantages are usually debated.The
benefits
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 include
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
,
while
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 the drawbacks are
health
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 hazards and
people
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 turning away from organic
food
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. On the one hand,processed
food
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 is truly
time
Use synonyms
 efficient.In order to cook
food
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,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 women
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
households used to cook for hours,
while
Linking Words
 today
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 just a matter of
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes with
convenience
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,traditional Indian curry takes
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 an hour to prepare,contrarily frozen curry would only
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 a few minutes to prepare.
Hence
Linking Words
,processed
food
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
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.
On the other hand
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,
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
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 community throughout the world has raised concerns over the
health
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 hazards caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed
food
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.In order to preserve
food
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 for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 of
time
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,the
food
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 industry uses preservatives,most of which are proven to be unhealthy.
Along with
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 that,
also
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 industry in developing countries is not well regulated,which
further
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 adds to the problems.
Therefore
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,consuming processed
food
Use synonyms
 puts public
health
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk.
In addition
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 to being unhealthy,
convenience
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
also
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 turns
people
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 away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organic
food
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.
People
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 find it easy to just warm processed
food
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 rather than
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 hours to prepare fresh
food
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 and
hence
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 ignore the importance of organic
food
Use synonyms
.Researchers across the globe are insisting on the use of organic
food
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due to
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 their
health
Use synonyms
benefits
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 as nutrients are lost during
processing
Correct article usage
the processing
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
.Resultantly,it leads to
Correct article usage
a deficency
show examples
deficency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
 of vital nutrients in the body leading towards undernourished youth.
Similarly
Linking Words
,organic
food
Use synonyms
 has its
health
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benefits
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such
Linking Words
 as fresh carrot juice has been proven to improve eyesight which its packed counterpart lacks.
Thus
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,processed
food
Use synonyms
 turns
people
Use synonyms
 away from fresh
food
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
convenience
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 has
its
Change the word
the
show examples
Use synonyms
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 of being
time
Use synonyms
 efficient.But the disadvantages of
people
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 not using organic
food
Use synonyms
 anymore and
health
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 hazards outweigh the advantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
,we should promote fresh
food
Use synonyms
 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
processed
food
Use synonyms
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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