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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today people live longer after retiring from work. What problems does this cause for individuals and society? What can be done?

#people #work #individuals #society
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After retirement from work, these days people are having longer live. The main reason for
this
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, perhaps because the stress level was declining rather than when they still become
workers
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. We agree that working is an activity for people who want to make living for their lives.
Although
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 the salary generated from the job can give the money to pay the rent, at the same time, it can
also
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 bring pain. There are several reasons why working can give damage
workers
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. One of them is commuting to the workplace. It can be so painful and drain energy even before the
workers
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 start to work. Jakarta as a metropolitan city in Indonesia has an unsolved problem regarding the poor quality of transportation and traffic. It will always a chaos and traffic jams during rush hour. As the one who had first-hand experience, it was always a stressful moment when I have to go to the office, and
as a result
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, I felt fatigued both mentally and physic.
According to
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 research by the Mckinsey Company in their article about Work-Life Balance, people who are stressed and not enjoyed working their job
due to
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 commuting to working place tend to have less quality of life.
Hence
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, to address the issue, some companies need to implement work-from-home or hybrid working scenarios. So that many
workers
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 can focus their time and energy on their job. In conclusion, declining the stress-level and fatigue is important to do so that the
workers
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' quality of life can increase before their retirement period.
Submitted by raymondgandi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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