IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Economic enhancement is the most important aim for many governors.
However
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, many individuals assert other developments are equally important for a territory. I firmly believe that a government's primary goal should be economic
progress
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, a topic that
this
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 essay will discuss from both perspectives. On the one hand, the primary objective of a governor is economic growth, as it leads to the development of others.
Additionally
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, other enhancements for a country are not the task of a governor. 
Moreover
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, if governments try to
progress
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 other parts, it is the opposite of
freedom
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.
For instance
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, as a country's income increases, so does the demand for medicine. For another example, many authorities decided to enhance the well-being of their people, but it interfered with their lives, which is the opposite of
freedom
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.
On the other hand
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, some argue that other forms of
progress
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 hold equal importance. A nation may experience economic growth, yet its citizens may still live in poverty. Since the
economy
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 has progressed unequally.
Additionally
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, the
economy
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 of a nation can develop, but its
freedom
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 decreases.
For instance
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, the
economy
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 of China is developing, but the people of China have no
freedom
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. For another example, Brazil's
economy
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 has grown over the
last
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 decade, but the majority of its citizens still live in poverty.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
while
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 certain segments of society have experienced growth, the majority still live in poverty. In conclusion, some individuals assert that economic
progress
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 is the most important goal for authorities, a view I wholeheartedly agree with.
However
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, others argue that other types of
progress
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 are equally important for a country.

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task achievement
Ensure that you support each main point with relevant examples. While a few examples are provided, ensure they align closely with your argument and enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively to present a logical structure. While you have a structure in place, some ideas could be elaborated more clearly in relation to the main argument.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive discussion of both viewpoints, ensuring each is explained with equal clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
You present a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You address both perspectives on the issue, aiming to present a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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