IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while other consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that youngsters doing paid employment have both positive and negative effects on their life.
However
Linking Words
 , I believe it is rather crucial to focus on their obligations rather than doing needless chores.
This
Linking Words
 contentious issue
as well as
Linking Words
 my thoughts will be highlighted in the write-up.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
children
Use synonyms
 are still in their growing stage . In order to acquire enough skills to face
further
Linking Words
 challenges , concentration and education shouldn't
be interfered
Change to the active voice
interfere
have interfered
show examples
.
Change preposition
with .
show examples
 Apart from learning and resting , it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
vital to utilize time on curriculum
instead
Linking Words
 of paid
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 inexperience background , compared to complex jobs , managers tend to order physical
work
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as running errands or cleaning products . In the long term , these physical exertion efforts, will sooner or later detriment
children
Use synonyms
's health condition .
Thus
Linking Words
 , these potential factors may cause unnecessary sickness : HIVD .
On the contrary
Linking Words
 , opponents of
this
Linking Words
 view maintain that
children
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 for payment .
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 opinion , they can learn worthy social experiences earlier compared to their counterparts .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , the money they earn can reduce the financial burden on their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 shoulders, which means the concept of saving can be developed at a young age . By way of conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 it is obvious that in some respects , society wants
children
Use synonyms
 to earn their own pocket money .
Thus
Linking Words
 , the disadvantages which will jeopardize them can't be ignored .
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am convinced that ,despite the arguments of those who think
children
Use synonyms
 must be engaged in some kind of paid
work
Use synonyms
 , their health and education are more significant.
Submitted by nanatsui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: