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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while other consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
It is undeniable that youngsters doing paid employment have both positive and negative effects on their life.
However
 , I believe it is rather crucial to focus on their obligations rather than doing needless chores.
This
 contentious issue
as well as
 my thoughts will be highlighted in the write-up.
To begin
 with ,
children
 are still in their growing stage . In order to acquire enough skills to face
further
 challenges , concentration and education shouldn't
be interfered
Change to the active voice
interfere
have interfered
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.
Change preposition
with .
show examples
 Apart from learning and resting , it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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vital to utilize time on curriculum
instead
 of paid
work
.
Moreover
,
due to
 inexperience background , compared to complex jobs , managers tend to order physical
work
such
 as running errands or cleaning products . In the long term , these physical exertion efforts, will sooner or later detriment
children
's health condition .
Thus
 , these potential factors may cause unnecessary sickness : HIVD .
On the contrary
 , opponents of
this
 view maintain that
children
 should
work
 for payment .
According to
this
 opinion , they can learn worthy social experiences earlier compared to their counterparts .
Moreover
 , the money they earn can reduce the financial burden on their
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 shoulders, which means the concept of saving can be developed at a young age . By way of conclusion ,
although
 it is obvious that in some respects , society wants
children
 to earn their own pocket money .
Thus
 , the disadvantages which will jeopardize them can't be ignored .
Therefore
, I am convinced that ,despite the arguments of those who think
children
 must be engaged in some kind of paid
work
 , their health and education are more significant.
Submitted by nanatsui on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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