In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is argued that these days, customers can buy processed
food
by going to supermarkets
all over the globe. This
essay believes this
is a positive development
because this
makes people
's lives easier and more convenient.
Firstly
, supermarkets
are seen as a positive development
because they are more convenient compared to traditional markets
. While
in traditional markets
customers have to negotiate with the sellers, supermarkets
have a fixed price so customers don't need to spend more time negotiating. Furthermore
, supermarkets
tend to have cleaner, well-managed stores, therefore
, people
choose supermarkets
over traditional markets
. For example
, Indonesians right now prefer to go to supermarkets
, such
as HERO or Carrefour, over traditional markets
because they are seen as more convenient than traditional markets
.
Secondly
, processed food
could be considered as a positive development
because it makes people
's lives easier. Many processed foods only require to be cooked in a very short time, as a result
, people
can spend less time for
cooking. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, processed food
already has added spices inside of it, so consumers don't need to add extra spices which could potentially ruin the flavour. For instance
, Indomie, one of the processed noodle brands in Indonesia, is the most bought processed food
in Indonesia. This
is not only because of its taste,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
because people
can make it very easily.
To conclude
, this
essay thinks that the processed food
that can be bought by going to supermarkets
all over the world is a positive development
. This
is because supermarkets
offer more convenience compared to traditional markets
and processed foods are easier to cook and make cooking for many people
easier.Submitted by aribawadzaki on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Try to develop each paragraph more fully. Your points are relevant but could be expanded with more examples or deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Use more variety in cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present the main argument and tie the essay together, which strengthens your task achievement and coherence.
task response
You have used some good examples to support your points, such as the mention of HERO and Carrefour in Indonesia.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!