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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and given your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
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In today's competitive world, some people believe that children's
sense
Use synonyms
 of
competition
Use synonyms
 should be stimulated,
whereas
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others
Use synonyms
 think that cooperative kids are able to become worthy adults.
However
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, I would like to argue that
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
 among kids are required to spread love and
prosperous
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prosperity
show examples
.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and highlight my opinion. On the one hand, children's cooperation in their childhood could sculpt them as useful adults.
Competition
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 is an essential part among people which cheers communities to
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in an achievement battle.
Moreover
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, folks should concentrate only on their victory and not on
Use synonyms
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
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 defeat. Every
competitors
Change to a singular noun
competitor
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 should play their game with
friendly
Add an article
a friendly
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 attitude.
For instance
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, a person who
accept
Change the verb form
accepts
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 his own defeat and
celebrate
Change the verb form
celebrates
show examples
winner's
Correct article usage
the winner's
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 success is a real winner.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 the person achieved something in a corrupted way, it is considered trash.
On the other hand
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,
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sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of
competition
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 shouldn't be motivated unless the person is
matured
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mature
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 enough to think genuinely.
In addition
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 to
this
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, Injecting
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
sense
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 could shape
child
Add an article
a child
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 to react in
inappropriate
Change the article
an inappropriate
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 manner.
For example
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, if the children's one and only target is winning, their minds can think outside the positive box. Despite
this
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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numerous amount of kids exist who never use any faulty tricks to decline
others
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.
Sense
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 of
competition
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 can be encouraged a bit, but need to assure that it shouldn't be
misused
Correct your spelling
missed
show examples
. In conclusion, I would like to argue that
competition
Use synonyms
 should be taken
easy
Change the word
easily
show examples
. Losers are not meant to be useless, they just need more practice.
Moreover
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, no matter what
others
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 think, we are trying. Consolation prizes should be awarded to each and every
participation
Replace the word
participant
show examples
 to make everyone feel happier.
Submitted by ananthaprasanth on

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