IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who often change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Today,
people
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether to change
jobs
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 or not.
While
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 there are some benefits for often changing
jobs
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, in my opinion, I do believe working the same
jobs
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 could benefit
people
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 in the future of their life. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
people
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 should keep working in the same
career
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.
Firstly
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, a stable
career
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 path often brings a sense of achievement as individuals can climb the
career
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 ladder and reach their professional goals, which can lead to stability, enhance their skills and have continuing income,
for instance
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, if the person is a father, have a
steadily
Change the adverb
steady
show examples
 income can be beneficial to his family.
Secondly
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, with the development of economics and competition between businesses, it is difficult to find a new workplace for citizens.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are more likely to stay in the same company and post.
Finally
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,
people
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 have various lifestyles, someone would like to live in the same country or city for their whole life.
As a result
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, continuing working in the same profession is suitable for them and they could feel enjoyable in their life.
On the other hand
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, there are some reasons for those who often change
jobs
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. Admittedly, changing
jobs
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 frequently can provide varied experiences and skills which might prevent monotony and increase job satisfaction.
Besides
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, those who frequently change
jobs
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 could be more competitive because of their strengths, as technology has developed in recent years, lots of employees are substituted by robots and AI.
However
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,
this
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 kind of person might struggle with job security and
career
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 progression, leading to dissatisfaction and unstable if someone has a family. In conclusion, I do suggest that
people
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 shouldn’t apply for different employment many times which can affect their professional skills and don’t have reliable income.

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coherence cohesion
It is helpful to ensure that all supporting points directly reinforce the main argument. This makes the overall essay more persuasive.
task achievement
To strengthen the task achievement, consider providing more relevant and specific examples for each point. This adds depth and real-world application to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clarify some sentences to make the ideas easier to follow. For example, 'if the person is a father, have a steadily income' could be rephrased as 'if a person is a parent, having a steady income.'
coherence cohesion
The essay offers a logical structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are considered, demonstrating a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
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