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Writing Samples
Band 6

The increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work till older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or a negative development.

#people #life #expectancy #work #age #retirement #alternative #development
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Raising life expenses makes
people
 have to
work
 longer to pay for their retirement. Though there are two ways for
people
 to reach their achievements,
in other words
, one of the groups tends to
work
 from a younger age, and the other is working until getting old. I believe that working from a young age will bring more advantages than outweigh
Correct article usage
the
show examples
drawbacks. On one hand, it is good for young adults to start to
work
 even though they are still a student, it will help them to explore themselves
while
 working in different workplaces and understand what they would like to do after school.
In addition
, many young children choose the program to study because of their families and they do not think about their future careers;
however
, it will have a strong effect when they start to
work
 in the field they are not interested in.
Consequently
, there are many
people
 who start to consider their career by working at a young, it helps them get more time
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
 their leisure time when they retire.
For example
, if
people
work
 from 18 and they may be able to retire at 50, at that time, they still have good energy and healthy bodies to travel or do many outdoor activities.
However
, it is
also
 not an easy decision to make because it would be hard to balance
work
 and study, and some
people
 would give up.
Subsequently
, they have to
work
 longer than others to
mentend
Correct your spelling
men tend
 the expectancy in nearly future. In conclusion, though many
people
 start to
work
 at a young age get the effect of the hard situation and give up afterwards, it still brings more benefits
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 until elderly
ago
Correct your spelling
age
show examples
 because they will find their interests earlier and that will bring them motivation to
work
 hard in their life and concern with future retirement seriously.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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