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Writing Samples
Band 6

The increase in people's life expectancy means that they have to work till older age to pay for their retirement. One alternative is that people start to work at a younger age. Is this alternative a positive or a negative development.

#people #life #expectancy #work #age #retirement #alternative #development
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Raising life expenses makes
people
Use synonyms
 have to
work
Use synonyms
 longer to pay for their retirement. Though there are two ways for
people
Use synonyms
 to reach their achievements,
in other words
Linking Words
, one of the groups tends to
work
Use synonyms
 from a younger age, and the other is working until getting old. I believe that working from a young age will bring more advantages than outweigh
Correct article usage
the
show examples
drawbacks. On one hand, it is good for young adults to start to
work
Use synonyms
 even though they are still a student, it will help them to explore themselves
while
Linking Words
 working in different workplaces and understand what they would like to do after school.
In addition
Linking Words
, many young children choose the program to study because of their families and they do not think about their future careers;
however
Linking Words
, it will have a strong effect when they start to
work
Use synonyms
 in the field they are not interested in.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who start to consider their career by working at a young, it helps them get more time
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 their leisure time when they retire.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 from 18 and they may be able to retire at 50, at that time, they still have good energy and healthy bodies to travel or do many outdoor activities.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 not an easy decision to make because it would be hard to balance
work
Use synonyms
 and study, and some
people
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 would give up.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they have to
work
Use synonyms
 longer than others to
mentend
Correct your spelling
men tend
 the expectancy in nearly future. In conclusion, though many
people
Use synonyms
 start to
work
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 at a young age get the effect of the hard situation and give up afterwards, it still brings more benefits
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 until elderly
ago
Correct your spelling
age
show examples
 because they will find their interests earlier and that will bring them motivation to
work
Use synonyms
 hard in their life and concern with future retirement seriously.
Submitted by zoe20130402 on

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