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Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
The acceptance of a bad
situation
 is the best way of
life
 for some people.
While
 some others, including myself, argue that any effort to improve the
situation
 would be beneficial, because of avoiding disappointment in the
future
 and the possibility of prosperity. On the one hand, there are some reasons that some individuals prefer to have a stable bad
situation
 rather than trying to change it.
Firstly
, they are afraid of losing their current
life
 condition.
For example
, the miserable economic
situation
 in my country and the high rate of inflation, high rate of unemployment, outrageously expensive products, services and
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 act as major impediments for many to move out of their comfort zone in order to have a better
life
.
Moreover
, Persons who are stuck in numerous adversities in their routine lives might deteriorate their
situation
 by making wrong decisions.
For example
, borrowing money from their friends, or loaning from their bank can provide a primary investment for
future
 progress and development, but a lack of investing knowledge or making impulsive decisions, not only would not bring about satisfaction
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 might drown them in debt.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of noteworthy reasons in extra effort to release from a bad
situation
. As the first one, those who reluctantly accept their
life
 condition might blame themselves on their elderly that they have not done enough. There might be simple solutions to revolutionize
life
 that come to their mind in their old ages
,
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apply
show examples
 when they do not have enough energy and are eager.
As a result
, they might suffer from constant disappointment in the
future
.
Furthermore
,
besides
 all the possibilities of being successful in changing
life
, if any failure happens
while
 making a better
life
, people would hopefully gain invaluable experience for
further
 efforts.
Consequently
, they would be more alert in their next move because of having a background and a better perspective. As outlined above,
although
 some accept their bad
situation
 as their destiny, or because of fear of exacerbating their condition, a possible embarrassment in the
future
 and the possible prosperity would motivate them to try to have a better
life
situation
.
Submitted by iman.mahinrad on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that distinctly outlines your stance and summarizes your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Build more explicit linking between ideas and paragraphs using a variety of cohesive devices and transition words for smoother reading.
Task Achievement
Expand on your supporting points by giving more detailed, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Aim to present ideas more comprehensively by fully elaborating on them and exploring implications or alternatives, which will enrich the content of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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