IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #people #health #food #neccesary #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
obesity
Use synonyms
 has become one of the most common health issues and one of the reasons is easy junk
food
Use synonyms
 accessibility.There have grown places where low prices and provide unhealthy meals. So people are divided in their opinion regarding in necessity for governments to increase taxes on fast-
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants. The following essay takes a look at why I strongly agree with that point of view. First and foremost the fact that eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 has unhealthy is extremely unhealthy for every people. Because, they contain a large number of ingredients that could cause spoiling the health and ones widely spread are cardiac arrest, stroke, hypertension, diabetes, and
obesity
Use synonyms
,
subsequently
Linking Words
 it has a direct relation to the demography of countries.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays in the United States ,America people amount of
obesity
Use synonyms
 has increased by 30% and it is a rueful trend. Unfortunately, the risk of death in recent years has increased by improper eating.
Secondly
Linking Words
,among children, mostly school-going children,the percentage of morbidity by
obesity
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have been grown and the main reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is school canteens, where unhealthy snacks, chocolates and pizzas are sold.
Also
Linking Words
, a growing number of junk
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants in cities. It is obvious fact.
Moreover
Linking Words
, you can just by your way to school meet 4-5 restaurants and they always are overcrowded mostly by children. In my opinion, the evidence I just provide is only the beginning of the big disaster and
this
Linking Words
 problem must be solved.
Thus
Linking Words
, there is only distinctive solution is to induce tax on the ingredients and fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 decision will lead to increased prices of burgers and pizzas. Looking at the evidence that I provide, it does not take a substantial amount of effort to see that we have a strong necessity for governments to impose a higher tax on fast
food
Use synonyms
 and solve the problem in
this
Linking Words
 way.
Submitted by amirizbasarov25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: