These days people prefer to watch live performances (shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of that event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today many people prefer watching live shows and concerts at home on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
or computer
instead
of doing it in reality. I agree that
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people watch content at home and
i'm
Change the capitalization
I'm
show examples
going to explain that in my essay.
First
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The first
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reason is that
it
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isit
wasit
show examples
comfortable
to
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for
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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because a lot of people can't go to concerts in real life
due to
that many of
that
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those
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events going
in
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on in
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other cities or countries.
Also
sometimes even if that event happens in local area tickets
usually
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are usually
show examples
expensive and
number
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a number
the number
show examples
of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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really small so the only way to watch
show
Add an article
the show
a show
show examples
is only by
tv
or computer. In my city
for example
when popular artists like Kairat Nurtas,
Dimash
Correct word choice
and Dimash
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are making a concert tickets usually
sells
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sell
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quickly and you need to watch at home.
Second
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The second
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reason is cost many individuals can't afford
such
expenses and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
they need to watch it on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
. Prices are big usually and especially for
Correct article usage
a stars
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stars
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star
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show
however
prices can even double or triple if
concert
Add an article
the concert
show examples
will be
Wrong verb form
is
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soon.
This
is
ofcourse
Correct your spelling
of course
understandable
due to
rent
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the rent
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of
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
for
Correct article usage
the event
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
or other needs of
show
Add an article
the show
show examples
. I
belive
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believe
show examples
that many individuals get through
this
experience in their
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
life so they know what
i'm
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I'm
show examples
talking about. In
conclusion
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,conclusion
show examples
I can say that because of reasons that I already noticed in paragraphs above like cost and comfort watching shows on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
or computer is
common
Add an article
a common
the common
show examples
thing in our world today and I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
this
trend will continue in future decades.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Language
The essay contains a number of grammatical errors and inconsistencies that could be improved. Also, ensure that all sentences are relevant to the topic. Spend some time refining your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to articulate the main ideas of each paragraph more clearly. Use transition words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay more compelling and help to explain your arguments more clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • live performance
  • streaming
  • mobility issues
  • busy schedules
  • substantially cheaper
  • broadens cultural horizons
  • customize their environment
  • electric atmosphere
  • social interaction
  • technical issues
  • immersive experience
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