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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

The bar chart shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007
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The bar chart illustrates the time which teens spend on different
activities
Use synonyms
 from 2002 to 2007 in Chester.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that the significant leader in all
years
Use synonyms
 was watching TV,
while
Linking Words
 bowling is an outsider.Other
activities
Use synonyms
 are almost similar to each other,except for watching DVDs.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 different
activities
Use synonyms
 are the most popular in different
years
Use synonyms
.Going out seems equal almost apply every year,
however
Linking Words
, in 2007 it was more popular than others almost apply twice.Watching TV was a significant leader.In all
years
Use synonyms
 it started at least from 25,
while
Linking Words
 other
activities
Use synonyms
 were mainly about 10.As previously,in 2007 watching TV was higher than in other charts.the other five
activities
Use synonyms
 are almost identical,
however
Linking Words
, two of them differ.Watching DVDs was in applying second place.In 2002 and 2007 it was 10,
while
Linking Words
 in other
years
Use synonyms
 it was about 15.The total outsider is applied to Bowling,which in 2002 hardly rose to about 4.In other
years
Use synonyms
 it was about 3,
however
Linking Words
, in 2007 it was barely 1 .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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