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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, governments are investing heavily in renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power.Do you think the benefits of renewable energy outweigh the drawbacks?

#countries #governments #energy #sources #wind #power
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There is no doubt that these days renewable
energy
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 has gone completely viral. So some people think that having an alternative
source
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 of
energy
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 is effective,
while
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 others believe that we should
use
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 electricity for
energy
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, people who think that we can get
power
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 from other sources
such
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 as solar
power
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 and wind
power
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is
Verb problem
apply
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a good substitute
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source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 for
power
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.
For example
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, some houses depend on solar
power
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 for electricity.
firstly
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, because it is a saving
source
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.
secondly
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, it is a sustainable
energy
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. So that's why a lot of people
use
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 it.
On the other hand
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, some societies can not accept the idea of renewable
energy
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. To illustrate, a lot of countries do not
use
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 any other type of
energy
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.
Hence
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 the belief that alternative
energy
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 is not effective at all, is a very wrong idea.
In addition
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, I believe that we can not live in
this
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 world without having multiple sources of
power
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. For instance, when a problem appears on electricity we have an alternative.
This
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 proves clearly the importance of renewable
energy
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. In my point of view, I see that the benefits of renewable
energy
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 outweigh the drawbacks. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both points of view, I can say that we must have multiple sources of
power
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. In the end
of
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, of
show examples
 course, every
source
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 has pros and cons but we have to care about the environment and
use
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 a suitable type of
energy
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.
Submitted by lynalhelal on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your paragraphs. Ensure that each point smoothly transitions to the next to maintain coherence.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Reduce redundancy in your sentences. Avoid repeating the same ideas with different words and focus on concise and clear statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion on renewable energy.
Task Achievement
You clearly address both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view before stating your personal conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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