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Band 5

In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative trend?

#countries #people #money #conversations #trend
recently the phenomenon has aroused wide concern
is
Correct your spelling
in
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people
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people's
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 growing popularity talk about the ways to earn
money
 and their expenditure. in my opinion,
this
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good way to help
people
 get a
lot
 of
experiences
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experience
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 in financial and enhance
abilities
Correct pronoun usage
their abilities
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 to maintain a balance between income and expenditure in their
life
 no one can deny the fact that, listening
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to another
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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people
 talk about their financial stories can help the hearer create many motivations to earn
money
.
for
Capitalize word
For
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this
 telling, they will make more
correctly
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correct
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 financial decisions and achieve more benefits than they do
in
Change the preposition
at
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this
 moment and have more confidence in their
life
.
For example
, many
talkshows
Correct your spelling
talk shows
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 of celebrities in VN present about the way
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success can help young
people
 study a
lot
 and follow them. another special consideration in
this
 case
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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people
also
 study a
lot
 from successful
people
 and avoid many mistakes in financial ways without undergoing
directly
Correct pronoun usage
them directly
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.
according
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toaccording
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this
,
people
 can diminish
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 and
money
 and spend more potentials to study and
experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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 many news in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. nothing could be more apparent than the evidence that, in many companies in VN, employers often train
for
Change preposition
apply
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staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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to notice good values in managing correctly their
money
 by learning from employers’s
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 in conversations in break of firms. in summary, it is important
for
Change preposition
to
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talking
Verb problem
have
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 a
lot
 of conversations about how much
people
 earn or how much they pay for things in their
life
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
 is one of
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 ways to help listeners
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on their stories develop themself in their own way.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • financial transparency
  • societal taboos
  • economic fluctuations
  • financial management
  • financial literacy
  • purchasing decisions
  • wealth glorification
  • economic stratification
  • social comparison
  • peer pressure
  • income disparity
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